Burning Deth Star

 

2016 was a hard year. Not just personally but nationally, globally and spiritually. I have found myself growing roots for too long and try as I may to inspire others I have failed to maintain any kind of focused crew. I also feel a form of writers block has become entrenched although in the past few weeks I have felt sparks of creativity flourishing in little nooks and crannies of my mind.

I remember in 2012 I felt a similar urgency and I put together a troupe called The Revolution Circus. It was made up hastily of a talented assortment but not entirely committed individuals and although it was an amazing time, it still did not live up to my expectation which was more along the lines of Apocalypse Theatre, the band I had co-founded that had home bases together in several cities but mostly spent years as homeless road warriors.

Now I am considering starting something new. I’m imagining a mini-caravan/traveling show that streams live events including our own music but not exclusively every morning/brunch time & evening from different locations with special guest, live performances, interviews and bonfire conversations from all across the country. I’m thinking of launching this concept full steam in the Spring of 2017. We will set up local events at small venues to raise funds and set up an online shop to sell various treasures we find along the way.
I don’t just want to cover music and art but protest movements like “Standing Rock” which  may participate in the very very near future and “Black Lives Matter”. I also want to feature local shops and musical artists, speakers, comedians and whatever seems interesting and relative to the spirit of a road trip/quest that takes us to all the lower 48 for many months sometimes staying in 200-400 square mile regions for weeks. This is the basic idea. I will develop it over the next few months and if I can pull of a few short road trips and have found a few people to join me I will launch it then. Yogic stormtrooper

FACEBOOK, REVOLUTIONS and GHOST…

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Click bait…hehehe to read the original revolution epiphany that gave birth to a caravan that traveled up and down I-35 and east and west seeking another way to live.

Facebook reminded me of that moment 4 years past, when I woke up from previous defeats and reinvented the caravan. In less than one year I proved a touring caravan of variety acts and bands could present a unique experience to and sowed the seeds of national attention, attracting unbelievable talent to its ranks and touring relentlessly as far west as San Francisco and east as Columbus Ohio. We also found a huge live in warehouse in Detroit to expand our vision…but alas by years end it was obviously in full crash and burn mode undone by those within its ranks whom never truly understood the vision and its urgent need to sacrifice the present to achieve the future because when opportunity knocks you have to act in accordance to the timeline/clock you are given not your own

Opportunity is rarely convenient.

It also failed because I did not have the skill-set to micro-manage the drama that always exist when you have a young business and should be expected to run rampant in a roaming band of freaks and ego driven artists/dreamers but that’s OK, IMG_3280because I learned a lot about what kind of dedication it takes and part of the reason why… in this 21st century, the type nomadic rock soldier required to live in a state of nonstop being or group living/theatrical warehouse is quite rare. A lot of people talk the talk because they don’t know just how hard it is to have little privacy and basically live with each others ups and downs. The show must go on I would speak like a mantra that at times would rally us to action and other times would infuriate. We all probably learned a lot though…Some of us will internalize it and others will use the wisdom  to take the next step.

 

lux

The amazing Amanda La Pistolera / Lux LaRoux We will never forget you. R.I.P.

           We did tragically lose one of of rock soldiers  🙁


Anyway, I know I learned a lot about my own emotional foundation and its limits to reset and maintain before mania and madness take hold/shape and form. I am still training myself to be a stronger person because in those moments I am not able to find solutions which is why a strong team is required to take up the slack when one of us falls down while kicking their ass and get them back on their feet again.  Soooo, on the bright-side, since I had decided to set an example and miss childhoods transition to tweendom (which was breaking my heart) I ended up returning home in mid 2013 and have since been working a job and didn’t miss much of the house kids growing up years and the experience has been priceless. Sure…I had decided that if I succeeded with the RC, I would be passing something precious to him to share that would outlive me even though even though I would have missed years that I could not replace. BUT, it was a sacrifice I was truly willing to commit to but then it crashed and burned and I was left standing in a vast wasteland that had massive potential with just 2 ravaged rock soldiers and the white flag was flown and I went home….

 

So here I stand in late 2016 black and blue under these scars and stripes hearing the whispers of the tribe in my dreams again. “nothing is ever going to change, until you break these chains, so won’t you run, run away with me… I don’t wanna run alone. So won’t you all please run away with me.”

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DANG.

You gotta be f‘ing kidding me…Really?! Seriously?…How many roads lead to this spot?!!!

I guess I will post this video I made from a couple of years back. That will explain it and help me prepare to forge my way towards another star.

MANTEESA…part 2

pointI drove away Monday morning and without sleeping more than 3 hours made it from Burlington VT to Minneapolis MN arriving safe and sound yesterday (Tues) in the late afternoon. Today (Wed) I returned to working on a client video and contemplating the next adventure.
I am exhausted. I believe life is short though and sometimes (IMO) you have to push yourself to the edge because that’s when/where your the closest to achieving/understanding freedom/love/truth and all those elusive things we package up in convenient metaphors.. It also helps you, when you want to recall/remember what you did with your life and those episodes where the normal day to day was interrupted will help with perspective. If its all the same you might have trouble accessing the memories as they will blend into the endless copy paste repeat that is the normal cycle and then 10, 20, 30 years flies by.

It wasn’t all fun but it was all intense.

Even the long long drives hold a sort of special insane quality in my brain and it stimulates me when I try to think about the what and who I was when I was that Mad Max man on the highway looking for meaning. I did manage to remember that I am a hot mess of emotions and I fall in love with ideas,dreams,falling stars and even insects.
I am re-imagining myself now. Again….

Goodbye horses, hello comfy couch, deep breaths and a few repetitive mantras to center my soul…

I love you all.

Manteesa

So here I stand…black and blue, under these scars and stripes.
detroit rock city
I was unable to use my blog the first few days because nothing was working as planned. Between driving, getting used to traveling/gigging again and other issues like unavailable internet access, my phone app not working and battery power… This is my 1st entry since we departed Minneapolis. I am currently up in the mountains in New York State about to be sitting around a bonfire and playing guitar.

The first night in Chicago (Tuesday) was strange in the sense we felt out of step, it was sparsely attended but we did connect with some ole friends, some of whom performed onstage with us and a few others who came out to represent and show us some love. Thank you so much and we actually had a lot of fun performing but…

“Dear Chicago folks who responded before and after that – I’m really sorry, everyday can’t be a weekend. “

The next two days were spent in Detroit and we had a beautiful warm welcome there. Twice as many folks showed up and we had a cool after party at the warehouse where we used to live. THE BUNKER!  I will be posting some video of Detroit soon.

I will also explain why I titled this entry Manteesa. Check back tomorrow.

WTF (am i really doing this again?)

rainbow piratesSo I am down to the last hours and  minutes. Soon,  I will be heading to Chicago. Then I am heading to Detroit. Both of these cities are places I have called home-base in the past. They are both very close to my heart. Both of these cites are also very stressful.

The nature of the beast in both these cities creates an attitude in its populace that has been hard for me to blend my soul into but I found it challenging my artistic expression spilled forth in various forms of creativity. I’m talking flood waters. Detroit in particular was perfect for the brave soul who wants a chance at creating a new life, a fresh start, a different perspective. Detroit is the new American frontier.

I am also visiting Burlington VT again. I have been there but not as a performer. This time I am traveling through New York state, visiting and walking into the mountains too. Its a short adventure but its well rounded. Its meant to restart my engine. I hope it does. I am still fractured inside. Nothing too serious though. At least my heart is intact. Its just my mind wanders a little towards “safe” and that is dangerous.   We will be posting videos here and our Facebook/YouTube pages of our time. Please like. ~mercy

https://youtu.be/HkddTIHQNfA

Who the F#@k are you!?

The one thing that the internet revealed to me was- “What some of you really thought about justice, science, faith and respect regarding people that were different than you.”

Image1I mean, there I was  f*#$ng  believing like an idiot that we were on the same side “more or less”  after having shared beautiful moments @ a punk rock show and dancing at a rave, laughing with friends at a movie theater date, touring the country, eating at the dinner table, listening to your problems or giving you a shoulder to cry on…There are some of you whom I even slept next to thinking we were spiritually connected.

I was wide eyed and stupefied after years of collaboration when I found out that you shouldn’t really like me and probably will not like me anymore once you read my response because I hate silence. It really does equal death of the flesh and or the spirit of hope.

I have seen too much now. Pandora’s box is pouring forth revelations of your hate and fear. You run towards walls and strength over peace. You justify first blood in the name of protection. You hate/fear those who believe in things differently judging them by their outlying members who have a lot more in common with you than you realize or are willing to admit. You are legion now of all faiths and all political stripes. You tune your channel to those who stroke your illusion of reality and don’t test your limits of understanding. You blame others like me who question authority. You malign those who question the questions and categorize me by hating others like me. Until now you didn’t know I was one of them standing right beside you, learning about your true nature. You are the enemy... and for whatever reason I still love you as melt into the crowd as a new breed of rock and roll rebel or spouting no source propaganda that the new media subscriber wears like a super hero costume. I see you for what you have become or maybe always were but you don’t see me because you are a predictable product of the same ole same ole religion of gang mentality, corporatism, patriotism and blind loyalty. Some of you are connected to me on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube etc…some of you I have traveled with and others I once admired from afar. It is you who are the aliens who have believed your claims to this planet as your playground & property are being violated. I am a minority from outer-space and I may be communicated to deaf ears and blinded eyes but you will see me and hear me one day because I am also legion. Ignoring me will not diminish my potential and by the way…  I’m almost full-grown.

Freedom is hard

There is something to be said for living every moment like it counts because it really does. mercy3I have seen my share of ups and downs but I know I am not the only one. Life is drama and to run and hide from it is to not experience life. You have to take the good with the bad to get the whole experience. Love found, love lost…Rich & poor, healthy and sick, peace and war, yaddayaddayadda. That’s how I feel anyway.
I’m in a band. I think. The band has died a few times and I swear it offapox5 but it keeps coming back and each time it seems but a mere a shadow of its former self, more faded than the last but truth be said, not for me. It still rages on in my mind because I know who I am and why I do what I do. I never had illusions about fame and glory. I had a mission and as I breathe I still do. Furthermore, I have a front row seat to the pages of time and I am grateful for it. I see the faces of friends and family through a unique lens as I travel to and fro and the more things change the more they stay the same.

Sometimes, the band rears its ugly head up and roars and I flinch, realizing it still has life. Because my brothers and sisters if It can still kiss, caress and bite, it still lives and I can’t really pretend otherwise. Well, I can…but I’m fooling myself. hehehe

We were roaming the nation homeless in a troupe that became a caravan that reduced to a handful and round about again we amassed over 1200 souls that can claim to have been in the APOX matrix/caravan and more or less we existed in our own universe well into the 21st century not caring about all the cliques and social scenes because the always change and grow up and get boring. We simply stood apart and if we were invited into a scene (gothic, punk, grunge, geek) we reveled in it, assimilated it and eventually moved on, knowing it might not exiApocalypse Theatre goes back into thlivewire promoe 90s. The deathrock and goth scenes were peaking and we played all over the USA touring with Rozz Williams, Switchblade Symphony, The Young Gods and more. In the 90s we joined invisible out of Chicago playing with Pigface and many others.st when we retruned. We were not in the magazines much or charting with sales although we were proud of the up to 10,000 sales we accumulated over a decade. We were not for everybody and actually we were for that rare breed of misfit who didn’t really want to be one thing and mostly we thrived in the seedy underbelly of America, in the forest and in the deserts and in the underground. We worked for Burning Man for several years when it was still young and lived out of our vehicles in  San Francisco & New Orleans. It was hard but it was awesome.
I was kicking and screaming when we finally we found a city where we could retreat to in Minneapolis but most of the seasoned core was beaten down from the years of IMG_3237homelessness and I eventually accepted my fate, but being restless hearts some of us continue to camp periodically in cities like Detroit, St. Louis & others, simply wandering about without a true goal in various reincarnations of Apocalypse Theatre like the mighty Revolution Cicus that rose and fell with style in its short 13 month life cycle.

Anyway, I guess we just keep looking for others like us.

We can’t & don’t want to stop, even though times- they are a changing…and we definitely know we don’t care much about normal stuff but dang- Freedom is hard. hehehe
We are playing a unique variety of Saiudrom, APOX and Ichi Zero material plus some covers. Most of it acoustic with electronics but some heavy stuff will infiltrate the set. Its an intimate setting @ the New Dodge Lounge in Detroit and LIVE WIRE in Chicago before heading to Burlington Vermont to join forces with a new crew for a wild night @ the RADIO BEAN with Saiudroms full band. Honestly, this tour is not for everybody which has always been the case with APOX but maybe some of you will join us for the evening and hear us out.

~mercy

chrys·a·lis

I’m awake. I’m not sure why I’m awake…Why the f#?! now?  I heard regeneration is like putting on a new skin but in the mirror, other than new lines and a strange refraction in my eyes, I look the same. I know something is different though. I feel it inside my brain. Sparks. I can feel it in the way you feel to me. When I see you. When I hear you. When I touch you. When I smell you. When I taste  you. When I recall…Sweet poison. I need new blood.